baby HazlamiIt was not your typical textbook's story of childbirth. Usually you came across about signs of labour like show, rapid contractions or burst of waterbag, but not my birth story. As my character is like follow by the book most of the time, the birth of Baby Hazlami has tested me on not to ignore instinctual side and spontaneous action.

I am a bit of practical person. And, when the birth 'delayed' (10 days past EDD), I motivated myself with so many things till I came up with Birth Affirmations, like what Soo Wai Han's advised. Anyhow, I am still in awe on how Baby Hazlami was born and so was hubby.

How the decision of natural childbirth and home birth emerged.

I read up before few stories about natural childbirth but not local ones and even wondered whether home birth is allowed and can be done in our country. I was fascinated with my own mother on how she gave birth at home in some of her childbirths and never had any episiotomy for all her 7 childbirths. I wasn't happy with my 2 earlier childbirths and seek other ways and means to avoid the same situation occuring. But, can it be guaranteed to be better if I still proceed giving birth in hospital? Soon enough, I found out about HypnoBirthing. It turned out that the founder of HypnoBirthing Malaysia is my old friend, Soo Wai Han. Funny how I can recalled her nick in the old breastfeeding forum we used to be active, MyMomsBest. Wai Han provided me the class time table as per my request and I was keen to attend but not my hubby. With so many excuses he gave and since I needed his support 100%, his reluctance, killed the enthusiasm on both natural childbirth and home birth.

The topic wasn't brought up for a few months till I met my FB friend for first time, Zaszima and she told me about how many local mamas had done so. That was news to me. Not that long, I found myself in this Facebook group: Gentle/Home Birth Malaysia. It was inspiring to be part of this group of brave mama, I may say. Plus, I learnt a lot too!

Finally, one fine day, hubby suggested this to me, "Let's give birth to our baby this time right at home!" Well, I guess those stories about home birth that I have related to him has crept inside & managed to crumble the reluctance wall. Me? Don't say that I'm not scared. In fact, there's no confidence at all. It was different with hubs and I was thinking, "He is kidding, or what?"

I contacted Wai Han again and finally we both met her for a crash course. I owed a lot to logical explanation and made sense of what Wai Han's revelations. Slowly, I found my courage which proceeded with determination, motivation and inspiration all rolled into one.

The arrival of Baby Hazlami in the early morning

That night, hubs and I read the 'Yassin' together and soon enough we made love. Hubs watched movie while I went facebooking as usual. Hubs went to bed earlier than me. I had trouble getting into bed as since late evening, I had few mild surges but after few false alarms, I tend to ignore, avoiding frustration should I get too excited. Besides, the surge is like touch and go, not like rapid & speedily increasing the intervals so you see it was not like the way we expected from what we heard, read and see the common signs. Anyway, while I was minding away with my social network online, hubs was fast asleep not till around midnight, I disrupted hub's beauty sleep with whine & tears. Only few days before, I told Baby-H in the womb that, "Mama wanted you to show up latest by Saturday or Mama going to do something about it. Mama cannot afford this too long as it is not only about you and me but it affects everyone else too."

Yes, he listened as he did showed up that Saturday morning before the Subuh prayers, around 5:10am.

I remembered that sleep can calm Mama in labour and yet can slow down the process but I was dying to go to sleep. It was at 1 in the morning, the sensations getting to its peak. Enduring the new sensation right at home, I was behaving exactly like radio switching frequency madly. I paced up and down the entire house wanting to calm myself. The gym ball came to the rescue for me to lessen the sensational pain-love-happy. At times, I was very calm even laughed. At times, I groaned or maybe it was more like a roar. I also whined helplessly to hubs telling him, "I kid myself if I say it is not painful but I am now embracing it, looking at the positive side, must keep reminding myself that soon we will have this baby and I could not wait any longer." I hypnotized myself with my own birth affirmations.

4 hours in labour with hubs coached me, calmed me down, recited my Birth Affirmation while I kept up and recalling my own affirmation in my head and said it out aloud too, finally the transition stage was present. The pushing part. I just felt the urge but self-checking the dilation, it was not even there. Usually we heard the story about 2cm, 5cm dilation and so on but that didn't happen to me. What only happened to me was strong, non-rhythmical surges, immediate dilation and voila! Baby Hazlami decided to join us!

When I told hubs that I fell the 'pushing-something-big' sensation, we rushed to our bedroom and hubs quickly got all the prepared materials ready. I switched positions frequently wanting to find which labour position suits me best, from all fours to half squatting. Using the gym ball, I began with all fours and urged it out when soon enough, I didn't feel it's getting there and so decided on squatting, which did reached it's point better. Hubs told me later, he was scared seeing me writhing and somehow he could remembered, taking the childbirth 'textbook' along and flipping here and there, searching any relaxation method or probably just 'lost'. Before that, at the beginning stage, I sms'ed Wai Han and about 1-2 hours later hubs tried calling her several times but she didn't answered. Acceptable as 3-4am in the morning, anyone would be in bed.

We did it!Finally, hubs told me he could see the crowning. That was the highest peak of sensation and I fell like volcano eruption at the bottom. Hubs was doing very great in calming me, kept reminding me to breathe properly as we had practiced and discussed, kept telling me I was doing great and I could keep doing so till it was over. Hubs massaged the inside of my thigh with intention of easing the tensed muscle. Hubs even kissed my stomach several times while coaxed me soothingly right at the crowning moment till Baby Hazlami arrived! Hubs scooped him up when he went whoosh spontaneously and hubs said he could see the spiral slippery touchdown! :-D

1st nursingBaby Hazlami cried a little but once he was swaddled and cuddled on my chest, he didn't needed much coaxing to nurse expertly.

intact cord & placentaI was too tired to talk, just asked hubs to made me a mug of Milo. The next thing I knew, both Hazlami and I were fast asleep for a few hours right after I gave birth to the placenta one hour later.

Once I woke up around 9 in the morning,I called my family, sms'ed several friends and received call from Wai Han. Around 10 in the morning, we headed to Pusat Rawatan Islam, the hospital that I had my antenatal check-up before. Amazingly, despite lack of sleep and just gave birth, I was so energetic and that amazed the nurses there besides admiring about our home birth. We cooked up a little white lies telling that it was an 'accidental home birth'. I had 2cm stitches for internal tear while Baby Hazlami had a 'cut off' from his birth buddy: the placenta.

Looking back of this childbirth, I could never forget the moment when hubs kept kissing my stomach with his soothing words while anytime sooner Baby Hazlami will be born... Actually at that time I wanted to laugh but it isn't easy to laugh when you are birthing a life and bringing a human to this world! You need to focus! LOL...

I'm proud about my homebirth. Hubs was happy and contented about it. All in all, what most profound about giving birth naturally, at your own pace and in your own comfort zone, I had zero pressure, I am in undescribable satisfaction and hubs was in cloud nine and one proud Papa about his amazing achievement in life. Confinement was at ease on my physical side as I can see the healthier me and Baby Hazlami is calm and one peaceful baby.

— Hanz Jamaludin (July 2011)
Read the 4-part complete story at her blog.